I ♡ Angeline Guo

2012-02-04T01:09:00.000-08:00

這次徹徹底底的迷失了墮落了徬徨了...

第一次這麼徹底的.

第一次感覺到這麼的漂

這麼的沒有方向...

我完全不知道自己想要甚麼了

以前堅信和堅持的都以不存在

現在真心的覺得簡簡單單的過日子是最幸福的

把這個世界看得太多太透真的不是一件好事

從前老人總說,

你幾歲就應該做你年齡該做的事

現在感觸想想十分有感觸..

我必須把心態放正給我點時間

我會清醒的我會回來的

希望還來得及.....

2011-11-07T23:18:00.000-08:00

2011-11-06T20:53:00.000-08:00

2011-10-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

Im glad.

2011-10-09T00:13:00.000-07:00

I can be tough

I can be strong

But with you,

Its not like that at all..

i dont want to let go.

2011-10-03T00:29:00.000-07:00

You are like a habit that is growing in me.

And taking over me..

2011-10-01T00:12:00.000-07:00

2011-09-27T01:07:00.000-07:00

Truth hurts and ignorance is bliss.Ignorance is a dark cloak, whose shadow engulfs many ills, impatience, frustration and hatred.Yet many still tend to find their way towards knowing the painful truth.Take for example your girlfriend cheating behind your back. Your best friend told you a lie. Would you rather suffer the pain of knowledge or to live in the life of torturing ignorance? In fact I would say that this capacity is one of the thing that contributes to the greatest of man kind, that we can place our focus on either the darkness or the light. To think that one day we might realize that our whole life have been lived in lies, its a torturous thought. It's hard to carry on living today knowing that yesterday was a lie....

Sometimes I'd rather live comfortably in ignorance. But the face is, it is easier not to listen in the first place, then to have deny a truth we already know..

.

2011-06-12T17:55:00.000-07:00

其实不管发生什么事
都没有什么大不了的
只要自己对的起自己
这个社会已经变质
你的所做所为
也使我对你的爱变了质

不知道为什么会有这么自私自大的人
只是一开始忘了看清楚
疲倦了一再付出
厌倦了一再配合
why should i?
如果这就是爱情
then let it be.
you reap what you sow.
& im taking it back.

2011-05-04T13:24:00.000-07:00

i dont know how am i suppose to feel about this,
but you clouded my mind..
I dont have the ability to change others
but i have the ability to do my best..

2011-03-24T17:48:00.000-07:00

Its hard to describe how i am feeling,
A little mixture of everything..
All these unstableness makes me feel like..
im, flying.

2011-03-03T17:29:00.000-08:00

我会假装听不到
但我会用眼睛去看
用心去感受...
希望我坚持的都值得去坚持
我坚信的都值得我坚信..

2011-02-12T20:04:00.000-08:00

别人给的快乐不是真正的快乐

只有自己创造的快乐才是快乐

真真正正踏踏实实的快乐

happiness can be given,

happiness can also be taken.

如果自己可以创造快乐

为何要等别人带给你快乐

我要给自己一个

没人能带走的未来

没人能拿走的快乐

没人能给与的世界...

岁月真的不饶人

有些人天天在进步

也有些人还在原地踏步

太多的一切都是浮云

现在的我非常确定我想要什么

& i`d do everything for that.

2011-01-30T00:09:00.000-08:00

有些成长来自承认
有时回忆会突然扩散
而回忆总是格外美丽
Sometimes,
its amazing how we can just rewind..

2011-01-09T01:54:00.000-08:00

你见，或者不见我
我就在那里
不悲不喜

你念，或者不念我

情就在那里
不来不去

你爱，或者不爱我
爱就在那里
不增不减

你跟，或者不跟我
我的手就在你手里
不舍不弃

来我的怀里
或者
让我住进你的心里
默然相爱
寂静欢喜

2010-12-02T02:27:00.000-08:00

Once you lose yourself, you have two choices.

Find the person you used to be, or lose that person completely.

Because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been and remember the person you were meant to be.

The person you wanted to be.

The person you are.

so, did i lose myself again

or, did i found my new self.

2010-11-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

其實..

千萬個美麗的未來,

都抵不過一個溫暖的現在,

而每一個真實的現在,

都是我曾幻想過的未來.

Je m'ennuie de tout ce que nous avions.

Dream little dream of me.

2010-10-20T22:35:00.000-07:00

i didn't mean to reminisce

i really didnt know until i came across it just now.

i hate being bored cause it triggers me to think a lot.

stuff which i kept inside a lock,

which i really dont want to be reminded of.

2010-10-05T00:33:00.000-07:00

what they call, sunshine after the rain.

Rainbows always make me feel magical :]

******

這樣的夜晚

這樣的季節

會讓你想起那樣的誰?

還記得以前每逢下雨天

我只喜歡做一件事

和愛的他抱再一起看一部電影

可是現在的我

好享受一個人的寂寞

躺在溫暖的被窩裡

看一部美的讓人窒息的愛情片

再配上一杯讓人沈醉的紅酒

放下一切拋開所有

人生不過如此

好喜歡現在的生活

現在的自己

一個人的繁華

一個人的精彩

所為，

孤單,是一個人的狂歡

im solely, but not lonely.

2010-09-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

難

為甚麼這麼難

我只想簡簡單單的生活

簡簡單單的愛

簡簡單單的做自己

可是為甚麼這麼難...

我變了

這並不見得是一件壞事

但, 這樣的我真的會快樂麼？

十二月又即將要到來

為甚麼我還是這麼害怕十二月

為甚麼今年和去年還是一樣

如果可以

我甚麼都可以不要

我只想要簡單的快樂...

2010-07-29T11:25:00.000-07:00

如果沒有了期待

如果我無能為力

那麼都無所謂了

計畫永遠趕不上變化

而變化永遠讓人不知所措

以笑面對是我唯一能做的

2010-06-12T04:31:00.000-07:00

It really hurts me to see you in this state.

Putting aside all the fights we had, all the bad things we shared.

I truly and sincerely cares for you.

I really wished i could help.

But being here for you is the least i can do.

I dont know if you will read this but i wish you have the best.

Lets make this thing right.

Just remember,

Im here for you,

Just for you..

& you are my one and only.

A- With love.

2010-06-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

该笑的时候没有快乐

该哭泣的时候没有眼泪

该相信的时候没有诺言

2010-05-21T18:13:00.001-07:00

I believe...

That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other.

And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I believe...

That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I believe...

That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe...

That true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance. The same goes for true love.

I believe...

That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe...

That it's taking me a long time to become the person i want to be.

I believe...

That you should always leave loved ones with loving works. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe...

That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I believe...

That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe...

That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe...

That my best friend and i can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe...

That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down will be the ones to help you get back up.

I believe...

That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry but it doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I believe...

That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences we've had and what we've learned from them and less to do with them.

I believe...

That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are; but we are responsible for who we become.

Just like i believe...

That two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different...

2010-03-30T18:58:00.000-07:00

今年已經20歲了..

告訴自己要知道..我必须找到除了爱情之外，能够使我用双脚坚强站在大地上的东西. 我要找到谋生的方式

要知道..我必须把這些浮如飘絮的思绪，渐渐转化为清晰的思路和简单的文字华丽和漂浮都不易长久

要知道..好好去爱，去生活青春如此短暂，不要叹老. 偶尔可以停下来休息, 走了一条路的时候，记得别回头看. 时不时问问自己，自己在干嘛..

要知道..伤心和委屈的时候，要大哭哭完洗完脸，拍拍自己的脸，挤出一个微笑给自己看 给自己一个远大aim和goal. 记得常常仰望天空仰望天空的时候也看看脚下

要知道..好的爱情永远在下一次不要在给同一个人两次伤害我的机会 要記得..永远知道精神更重要.

要記得..小人之见，随他们去好了有原则的宽容和怜悯会使我更大度

要記得..做人不要太高调，高调容易招惹是非也不能太低调，该强悍时则强悍，不能被欺負

要記得..被朋友伤害了的时候，别怀疑友情，提防背叛的人原谅，但并不遗忘

要記得..做人要存几分天真童心，对朋友保持一些侠义情要快乐要开朗要坚韧要温暖要忠肯要勤奋要真诚的尊重别人尊重自己这样的人生才不会黑暗

要記得..宽待自己，宽待别人. 不会因为小小的不如意小小的事而生气或难过的时候，也許会轻松很多拔

要原谅这个世界和自己.

要告诉自己，我值得拥有最好的一切...

2010-02-04T01:28:00.000-08:00

Human relationships are indeed complicated

Its funny to realize how people come in and out of our lives

Be it friend love or sometimes even family

I guess its just part of life

Really detest myself for being emotional but...

I am so disgusted by this world

I dont know who`s real and whos fake

who to believe and who to trust

whos lying and whos playing

If family members can betray you, who else can u believe?

If friends want to see you fall, who else can you turn to?

If the one that loved you so much can hurt you, who else wont?

I always believe in being the best i can be in everything i do

Everything will be fine, but i dont know why people love to bring me down.

But hey, i will be bulletproof this time round.

What doesnt kill me, will only make me stronger.

如果我抱著你入眠你會不會跟我做同樣的夢
如果我緊握住你的手你會不會一輩子跟我走
如果我有翅膀你會不會跟我一起飛
如果我能看見未來會不會看見你在我胸懷
如果我的眼淚能融化冰會不會融化你

2010-01-21T17:08:00.000-08:00

一個是白天一個是黑夜

白永遠不知夜的黑

黑也永遠不知天的白

那個距離...是遙不可及的

兩個不同世界的人

結果應該也就只能是這樣拔

有試著了解體諒

那,你又有去感受她的感受麻

當灰姑娘愛上王子時

應該也會有自卑感拔

是因為甚麼所以會難過

是因為甚麼所以會想念

是因為甚麼所以有了些念頭

為甚麼會覺得懷念了

是因為不夠成熟

還是自己的不平衡導致的

遇見是巧合

認識是緣份

想念是思緒

堅強是成熟

哭泣是難過

最近一直問自己好多好多個為甚麼

為甚麼？

其實這個世界上

每個人都會有煩惱

有些人煩惱家庭生活

有些人煩惱沒錢沒飯吃人際關係升學壓力 blabla

每個人的煩惱都不一樣

但為甚麼我的煩惱這麼多

好想永遠都有煩不完的事

難道就沒那個幸福的命麼

我想在愛情里我最擅長的事情

就是逃避

我想

一雙看起來完美百分百的鞋子

也只有穿他的人

才知道那裡刺腳

我只想要有人懂

有沒有那種藥吃了就可以幸福開心一輩子...

到底怎麼樣才是最好的

現實就是這樣叫人無法逃脫

我現在肩膀上抗了好多好多

好累好痛可是還是要走下去

如果今天

我沒有經歷這些

又怎能知道以後得到的喜悅呢

煩惱就是這樣

但要看是自己創造的還是別人給你的

哎我沒有你想像中的那麼堅強

看到這一篇小小物語寫著

' 懂得放下的人找到輕鬆 '

' 懂得關懷的人找到朋友 '

2009-12-21T04:21:00.000-08:00

有人陪我過平安夜就好了
有人陪我過聖誕就好了
有人陪我過生日就好了
有人陪我過 new year 就好了
我是指我想要他陪的人
不是隨隨便便的人
可是為甚麼我沒有這個人
原來下個禮拜就是christmas了
原來下下個禮拜就是我生日了
每年最不期待的就是12月
最討厭的就是12月
因為是冬天
因為好像所有的節日都在12月
因為到處都是幸福的人
因為我總是一個人
心靈上的一個人
就算全世界都是我的朋友
就算每天都有不同的追求者在身邊
並不代表我不孤單寂寞
並不代表我不是一個人
一雙在好在貴的高跟鞋
在別人眼里是完美無暇的
可是只有穿他的人
才知道那裡刺腳
就像我一直深信
每個人都有很多不同的面具
見甚麼樣的人就會帶上甚麼樣的面具
我擁有的不是我想要的
我想要的我卻不曾擁有

2009-12-16T00:27:00.000-08:00

節日只會讓幸福的人更幸福孤獨的人更孤獨..
umm..
我犯錯了.. 犯了一個自己明知道不改犯的錯
明知可能會燒到自己可是還是往火坑里跳了
明知那些都只是幻覺可我還是沈溺了
明知那些可能只是一場演給我看得戲但是我還是相信了
太多的明知可為何我又明知故犯?
well.. on a brighter note,
至少我覺得我還是有感覺的
既然告訴自己不要有任何期望
也知道不應該有所期待
所以在怎樣應該都不會失望吧

2009-11-22T00:07:00.000-08:00

快樂永遠是那麼的短暫
如果是這樣那可不可以不要讓我快樂
沒有感受過快樂就不知道甚麼叫快樂
難過時就不會想起快樂的感覺
這樣就永遠不會難過
天氣越來越冷
今年的冬天不會在有屬於我的擁抱屬於我的手掌屬於我的溫暖
難怪我覺得今年特別冷..
看到身邊的好朋友們現在都有了自己的幸福我很欣慰
可是也有種說不出來的心酸
現在我一個人一個人享受孤單
可能和幸福的人在一起所以才感到特別的孤單
我只想要我想要的
愛我愛的

now i truly believe ..
付出的永遠不等於收回的
hey.. know what you are here for
& prioritize the priority
you can do it.
you are the best.

2009-11-19T14:53:00.000-08:00

还是哭了..
yeap everyone sees it except me.
you totally don't deserve what i am doing.
i guess it is just the way it is.
i will never forgive.
i will never forget.
yup, no backing out
just moving on.
it`s time.
like really, how long have we been dragging?
all this shit should ended way long ago.
everyone was right.
it will just still be me, that will end up getting more hurt, and deeper
i just don't want to deal with it anymore
im so sick and tired of everything that's got anything to do with you.
i used up all my strength, on you.
uhhh. so much for my happy ending.
psh, what a slap on the face.
dear god, i have a question.
why is everyone else in this world seems so happy.. except me.

2009-05-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

希望今晚不要在失眠

不過如果親愛的大腦不聽話

沒關係...

因為你會在我心裡面陪著我失眠

2009-02-06T13:11:00.000-08:00

聽著鋼琴曲柔和的melody

再配搭上窗外滴嗒滴嗒的雨聲

坐在書桌前讀著關於這個世界的點點滴滴

心情是如此的寧靜舒服..

很喜歡現在的自己

過著平凡卻又充實的日子

不在去想一些有的沒的

計畫一大堆不實際的未來

現在的我只想踏踏實實好好珍惜自己的每一天

不知道是突然長大了呢還是真的老了

覺得時間真的真的過的好快

好想把自己的每一秒都充實的利用上

2009-01-14T09:34:00.000-08:00

當我需要有人在我身邊的時候還以為會有誰在

告訴自己不能whine，不能complain,不能埋怨 . 只能try to be understanding, 只能 try to be 大人 not 小妹妹

這樣才不會煩到你這樣才不會吵到你 . 但，我好想你有去試著不要想但是還是好想 ):

sorry i tried but i failed. ohshit,i think im starting to love u more than i love myself. gotta stopp

2008-11-27T23:06:00.000-08:00

im so boredddddddddddd.

what a thanks giving :(

2008-11-27T13:47:00.001-08:00

‘人的这一生，会遇到一个会改变自己一生想法的人'

quoted by a friend of mine.

i think it is very true..

我想看看我的这个人会是什么样的一个人

会是一个我很爱很爱的人，一个我很感激的人，还是一个我永远也得不到的人？

不知道是这几天天气的关系还是什么

心情总是很沉重

心里不知道在挂念着什么

不知道想着什么

也不知道想做什么

心态老了吗？

不像以前那么爱玩了

朋友们叫我去哪里也不想去

在家又觉得empty

我觉得我有孤僻症

其实我们都知道之间是怎么了

不是吗？

你什么也不说，什么也不问

我也不想说什么或多问什么

之前就已经感觉到了你的变化

还是说其实问题是我自己本身？

又或者，大家都开始厌倦

我一直都又在想，为什么你们照片里的你总是笑的那么幸福那么开心

我知道那是发自内心的

又为什么你和我的照片里不会有你的那张笑脸

为什么你又会为了她专程飞去sydney陪她过生日

我知道爱情是不能做比较的，我也没有在比较

我知道是我没有他们好没有他们付出的多？

所以你才会比较爱他们？

anyways,

你现在在去san francisco 的机上

5 天以后回来的你

我们又会变成什么样子

会是见面点头的hi bye friend,

会发现彼此的重要性

还是会在原地踏步?

其实2个月的我们应该都不是谁的谁

对吗？

又或许

你决定不去理会

我也决定不去在乎

hope u will enjoy ur trip to the max ～

看看窗外，天气好好

决定不因该把自己关在家里

let`s get the party started yo

p.s 忽然怀念起那个很了解我的你

你，今天快乐吗？

和她还好吗？

如果你有在读，希望你幸福（：

回忆最美. remember secret base?

take care my old friend :]

BYBH

2008-11-09T23:22:00.002-08:00

today marks the 365th day since i first landed in LA.

in this 365 days, days seem to pass neither too fast nor too slow.

i grew a lot.

gone through lots of downs,uncertainty&confusion that i never had experience before.

dated different guys trying to fill up my emptiness deep down.

worked like a cow to numb myself from thinking too much.

learnt that people in LA is very different from the people in singapore.

knows how to be positive & can see things more clearly.

i believe i am way stronger now compared to the past.

from unfamiliar faces to more&more familiar faces.

and is a good thing to feel a sense of belonging.

i no longer look back anymore.

&taking everything more seriously now.

the urge of success is stronger than ever.

turned from a teen to a young lady.

i myself know that i had changed so much in this 1 year.

right now,

all i can see is my future,

better & better days.

i am really very contented with my life now.

simple&filled.

well, i never cried so much in my life.

too, i never felt so independent&strong before :]

work hard & watch me shine.

no one is gonna pull me down.

会更努力的学着面对自己

& 学着成长

turning 18 soon! woah, time really flieeeeees ~

still remember the days when i just merely start making up and hanging out.

********

LA 正式进入潇洒的冬天

我不喜欢冷

也不喜欢穿的很厚让我很不自在

但我会渐渐去学会享受冬天的一切

因为有你握住我冰冷的双手

可以和你紧紧的在被子里抱在一起

还有喜欢你抱抱的时候～

i dont know how long this is gonna stay.

but i will cherish every moments with you

爱上你的那个秋天 ,

我会一直记住

2008-10-30T23:49:00.002-07:00

i will never forget this very day.

i feel so blessed to hug tightly with u and fall asleep,

& so contended to hold onto your hand where ever we go.

there's only you in my life , the only thing that's right .

you're every breath that i take,you're every step i make .
& i want to share all my love with you,no one else will do .
you will always be my love :]
two hearts , two hearts that beat as one,our lives have just begun..
forever,i'll hold you close in my arms .
i can't resist your charms , and baby i'll be a fool for you .
i'm sure you know i don't mind cause you, you mean alot to me .
i'll be that fool for you.i'm sure
and , you'll be the only one,cause no one can deny this love i have inside .

& i`ll give it all to you .

i will crave all our precious moments in my heart(L)

2008-10-20T23:51:00.002-07:00

was having some heart to heart talk with baby,

& he really knocked some sense into me.

i was thinking..

what will my future be like,what will i turn to in the future

it could be really relaxing,it could be really wonderful

future.. have you ever thought of it ?

it`s actually all in your hand.

it could be unforgettable , it could be simple

give up on what you want to do & just go with the flow ?

find the things u like to do, is future enough?

every step seems really risky, im truly afraid.

there`s plenty of them around me,

old, jobless, but having their family to support them .

comparing this and that..

how about... compare our future?

no matter where i go , is full of kids driving cool cars around using their parents money.

one`s comparison of luxury heart really freaks me out

i rather live in a place where its environment is simple, or perhaps a faraway island.

there is no one using branded stuff

and you wont even thought of buying them

or maybe.. in their eyes, roxy is their brand.

who doesnt want to drive nice car?

who doesnt love to carry branded bags?

this is why people are becoming more and more realistic

and seems that only these things are attractive in their eyes.

2008-10-12T18:18:00.002-07:00

though is only few hours ago since we parted , but i miss you baby

to think of how we met is so crazy yet beautiful

and all of the feelings coming through

when I’m with you,
there’s nowhere else I want to be
it’s just right
you by my side
you make me melt when you kiss me
you make me faint when you touch me
i have all these emotions and I’m not sure why
i should be concentrating but i`m missing you now
and all the cute things you do
i’m so happy that I want to cry xD
just the fact that I’m with my dream guy
you`re perfect in every way
i prayed for someone like you
and god sent you my way
these feelings are real
not just flirtation
i love being with you
just lying on your chest listening to your heartbeat beating with mine.

i don’t care what anyone else has to say
It’s just you and me
forever I pray :)

you are slowing becoming a part of me.

tell me how to not love someone like you ? hehehe

hey soul eater , i want to shout & let the whole world to know that...i belong to you <33

2008-10-01T16:20:00.002-07:00

sitting beside you looking at u sketching on the computer..
i love looking at your face full of seriousness :]
it made me felt secure for i don`t know why.
a moment like this, silent & simple.
my love for you just gets more from every single moment like this.
i want to be your xiao nv ren~
sitting beside you massaging for you when u are doing your project.
with coffee and newspaper in my hand xD
hehehehe

hey baby, do you know how attractive you are?
yours truly.

2008-08-31T23:05:00.004-07:00

gosh
i am so dissapointed in myself..
to actually believed what you said..
to actually go home specially for you
to actually hoping to see u online but u didn`t
to actually call you but no one answered
i dont know whats there to lie about even when we are so far apart..
seriously if it is not because that i still love you and miss u so much..
do you think i still bothers to stay up late and talk to you?
to call u from here?
to even planned to go back?
is been a year that i still cant move on with u in my heart.
and is been so long that u are tgt with her.
so is time to throw u away from inside.
omg.. seriously please get out of my life and never come into my life again.
i dont need you to keep making my heart move and then found it was a lie again.
i will be wonderful without you.
i dont want to know how u are doing anymore.
once a liar forever one.
theres no way we will contact again.
i will never want to go back for u again , never
if i see u oneday on the street u will be just like any other passerby :]
leave my life and i will too
goodbye not goodnight~

2008-07-18T23:49:00.004-07:00

what will you do..
if the one you love is living in a different world with you..
what will you do..
if you really want to see that someone so badly..
but knowing that it is impossible..
what will you do..
if u miss that person so much but you will just could not dial the phone number and tell him you miss him.
what will you do..
if you couldnt not fall asleep at night and all that is on your mind is him..
what will you do..
if... you know that he loves her but not you..
and what will you do ..
if you know he is living real good without you in his world..

i know i should be happy ..
i know i should feel contented..
with so many of you people around me..
making my day to the fullest..
partying.. having all the funs one could ask for..
life here is really getting more and more fun.
i really love the life i am having right now..
is really different from the life i had in singapore..
everything should be wonderful in other`s eyes..

however, everything is nothing.. if i aint got you...

at least.. i got to talk to you.
knowing that u are doing really fine.
having the one you love by your side.
loving you and taking care of you...
well... i know all of the things i said and think is all no point.
i really hope i could just go on.. ad give others a chance to love me ..
i really hope i could..

痛的不是爱情而是我们拥有过的一切一切。。
你忘记了么？还是说。。记得又能怎样
everything will never be the same again..

2008-07-17T01:16:00.004-07:00

好想有一个人可以依靠
可以躺在他的胸怀
可以被保护着
不用act strong.
什么也不用去想

hope i will find a guy whom will just lie with me and forget the world.

p.s is just so hard to fall in love.

2008-07-09T00:07:00.004-07:00

was reading bb`s blog..
and then it really pains me.
it made me think that i am actually that weak. that actually i am still a small girl whom needs pamper and love. that actually i still yearns for love..
i am so confused right now. there`s so many thoughts in my mind.. i really dont know what to do.
and how should i go on.. mom said,'' just keep going on, and everything will be fine.''
but the fact is i am so afraid to fall..again,again...and again.

tired of crying.
tired of thinking.
tired of everything..
tired of life.
tired of life.
tired of life.
tired of life.........
if only i still knows how to cry.. at least i will feel better....

2008-06-28T23:37:00.005-07:00

baby...

tell me where u are where u are sleeping at night?

tell me who do you love now , who do u miss now?

tell me what u see when u`re closing ur eyes?

if u ever remember when i was by your side..

when i was by ur side.....

tell me how can i forget about you..

sigh.... 该说的都说了该做的都做了

but nothing changed.

i told myself many times, face it face it face it.. but sigh..

to think that the one lying beside u isnt me.

to think the one u kiss isnt me.

to think the one u love isnt me anymore...

I JUST CANT... GO ON.

2008-06-19T11:07:00.004-07:00

i just woke up from my... beautiful dream.
is it really weird that i could still remember so clearly what had happened in my dream..
benny appeared, & he claim that he misses me..thats why he flew over.
uncle colin appeared too.
& u know what the whole family of my cousin`s came over too! with the new born baby.
omg he is simply cute like hellllll.
i think is because i saw his photos from my cousin yesterday.
thats why i will even dream of the baby when i never see him before. HAHA
anyway the dream is really really sweet...
i am a very happy girl in it.
i laugh with my lungs and smile with my teeth.
i felt that u were so close, so closed to me...
i felt that it is so real , the feeling is so right..
it is like as if we go back to the past.
it made me remember all the promises u made to me.
u said u will visit me here someday , but all these promise will not be able to come true.. never.
i woke up crying..i dont know why.
probably i miss u too much...
ahhhh & i woke up by danny`s call. shittt you lol
i tried my very best to think of what happened in the dream and tried to fall asleep and contiune with it but i couldnt..
sigh , when can i ever see u again ?
maybe ten years down the street...
again, i remembered u said.

'even if we meet ten years later,i will still hold your hand&you will always be my beloved baby girl,i will always love you like how i always do.'

if u ever happen to pass by my blog, i want you to know..
baby, you will never ever be replaced..
& if i see you again, will u still hold my hand?
i just love you so deeply & crazily.
call me dumb or be it im stupid.
i just couldnt let you go....
this is really agony.
others will never understand how i feel as they do not know the things we went through together.
iloveyousomuchdoyouknow?
iamstillwearingourringdoyouknow?
iamstillreadingtheletteryougavemeeverydaybeforeisleepdoyouknow?
iwillstillthinkofusbeforeisleepdoyouknow?
do you?
do you?
DO YOU?
i really hope oneday,you will understand all these .
i am really sorry about what i told you last time too.
i know i hurt you. i am sorry.
but if only u will know.
god, please give me the strength to carry on..
ah,stop thinking..

i thought i am very strong ?
hahaha...............

2008-06-15T02:26:00.006-07:00

为什么每个人都要那么假
为什么这个世界这么假
为什么我对每个人都那么的没有防备心
为什么成长的过程一定要这么多起起伏伏
为什么我觉得我好像一个白痴

因该在更一层的伪装
因该在更把自己关闭起来
活在自己的世界其实也不错
不因该在做任何天真的梦
不因该想太多自己以为的事
不因该报任何希望，就不会有失望
现在才明白 - 付出的永远不等于收回的

哪里能找到永远温暖的拥抱
谁在牵挂着孤单远行疲倦的红娘
哪里能找到受伤时候的依靠
有谁能让我烦恼的事都不再烦恼
哪里能找到为我敞开的双手
懂得珍惜就能够拥有？ i dont think so.

2008-06-05T12:37:00.010-07:00

i thought it will not hurt that much anymore,
i thought i will not care about him anymore,
i thought i have already forgot about him,
i thought i already got used to not having him in my life..
but i was so wrong..
i felt the stabbing pain through my heart when i know the news.
it made my heart bleed.
he should be mine.. he is mine , he used to be all mine..
now he is someone else`s..
i thought i could move on with my life here, but whatever i do i just forget to forget him..
why am i so useless. why i just cant bring myself back to reality?
why am i so 死心眼 that i just love him and only him when he is already someone else`s.
why am i so 贱..
i told myself to give up for countless times but i just couldnt do it..
is already been 8 months since i last saw him.
but feelings didnt faded for even a little..
whenever i close my eyes, you will be everywhere ...
its like flashing back of movies..
i hope u know how did i went through all these while without you,
how much tears i cried for you,
u know me the best... do u know how hard it is on me here?
i really wish i could go back to the past..
i need your protection.
however, i am still forced to grow up all on my own..
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou..
----------------------------
i know is all the past. slaps myself*
this pain is killing me....
is just too hard for me to forget you & i dont understand why u can forget all about us baby..
ineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyouineedyou..
do you still smoke as much ?
do you still love eating noodles?
do you still smoke viceroy?
do you still love sex that much?
do you still plays around?
do you still drink everyday?
do you still party all night long?
did u changed for the better or worst?
did you..missed me?
why did u changed me..
is all love, I HATE LOVE I DONT WANT EVER TO FALL IN LOVE
FUCK LOVE FUCK LOVE FUCK LOVE
it made me gone crazy... i no longer belongs to myself.
i belong to you.....

&baby i want you to know that it is so hard to put on a fake smile..

2008-05-28T00:16:00.010-07:00

i miss him massage for me when i`m having headache;

i miss him rub my tummy for me when i`m having cramp;

i miss him feeding me when i refuse to eat;

i miss him hugging me like there`s no tomorrow;

i miss lying on his shoulder;

i miss him telling me stories before im willing to head to bed;

i miss him cooking for me;

i miss him making oj for me;

i miss feeling your heart following mine;

i miss feeling your warmth even 100000000000000000000 miles away;

i miss you saying that u are made for me;

i miss how i cried when we quarreled;

i miss how we used to chat on the phone 24/7;

i miss how you take care of me when i am drunk;

i miss how we play fighting games on psp together;

i miss how we edit our photos together;

i miss you tolerating how bad my attitude are;

i miss how you find back our ring when i threw it in the pool during midnight;

i miss how you chase after me when i ran out of your house in the middle of the night;

i miss how you brings me around and telling your friends that 'that girl is mine';

i miss how you pamper me with everything u could do;

i miss the picture i did for u during the cold winter when my hands are freezing;

i miss the big pig i bought and carried all the way to ur house;

i miss the baby rabbit u bought for me;

i miss the first time u gave me our first ring outside plaza singapura;

i miss the puzzle we left undo.

i miss the dairy we used to write everytime;

i miss the first time we kissed at cineleisure;

and i miss the first time u said i love you...

so much so much so much.....
& i even miss how you used to hurt me..
and i really dont know why i miss all these when u hurt me so so so so much...

------------------

2006 年9月26号我是快乐的
2008 的今年。。
我不屑纪念这一天我们相恋
我不想怀念 …
你的笑脸
你的爱情
你的关心
你的温柔
你的可贵
你的抱歉
你的爱恋
你的可怜
你的敷衍
你的倔强
你的撒娇
你的霸道
你的爱护
你的嫉妒
你的一点一滴
你的一切一切
可以说再见了吗

我不想再因为你放弃任何爱的权利
我不想放弃爱
我不想放弃真心
我不想放弃因为害怕爱情的伤害
我想
伤已经抚平了
不要请不要
再让我的心动摇
一切不是你的错
是我不好
老实牵挂着你
脑子里的残缺
我真的要放手了
不会忘记你只是不会想去想你
刻意的想你
刻意的忘记你
因为越是刻意
越是忘不了你忘不了你的温柔
忘不了你是如此温柔的放开我的手
忘不了你是如此温柔的一切
真得不要想了
你不是我的真爱
但是你会是我的挚爱
我永远挚爱的回忆
是成长的回忆不是终点的唯一
还是想说
谢谢你
因为你我成长了不少
学到很多
真的很爱你
我是说曾经..

2006年9月26号是我们的爱
2008年5月28号一切是据点
我不会在留念你什么
更不会为你哭泣了
今天
我是快乐的
难过流涕
不会再有了
这么长的一片网址也是给你我画上重点号的剧终
不再纪念
终于决定了
我会把你所有的信
礼物爱过的证据销毁
我相信这会是我做过最棒的决定
你一定要幸福
我祈祷着
今晚会是我为你留下的最后一滴泪
我保证我发誓明天开始
不会再有了。。
掰掰20060926 =)

2008-03-26T17:40:00.004-07:00

my mood isnt been good these few days ,
i dont know why i just feel lke being alone.
fuck all these while and the life i am having.
z

2008-03-10T17:47:00.005-07:00

i am dissapointed in you.
in you.
& in you.

in this world not only girls are realistic,
guys too.
actually everyone is now, in this realistic world.
we only do things which benefits us.

p.s why when each time i had faith&started to wanting to do that thing,they will eventually disappear, totally..
p.s.s i failed the stupid test
p.s.s.s happy birthday jon!
p.s.s.s.s once again, i totally lose all my confidence in it.
p.s.s.s.s.s 我没有把自己看得很高 (: i am just.. realistic, very.

2008-02-22T19:45:00.009-08:00

a lot of times,
we don`t have to go and find things.
things will come to us..
one example is love, we don`t have to go and find love.
and love will find its way here..

i need a boyfriend to dote on me.
i need a lover to be there for me.
i need that someone special to treats me like a motherfucking princess.
i need a him to feel loved..

but

i don`t have the time to entertain my boyfriend.
i don`t have the time to be there for him.
i don`t wanna felt to be tied down.
i don`t believe in love.
i don`t have the trust in any guys.
& i dont ever lack of guys by my side.
i am not like any other girls on the street.
i have a harder life than any other girls out there.
i am too used of being alone.
i don`t know why, i no longer knows HOW to have a boyfriend after coming to the states..
isn`t that pathetic?
however i know i am a very independent girl.
especially in love..
i am forever bottling up my feelings and emotions.
pondering what would happen to me oneday if i could not bottle up all of them anymore.

~~i don`t know why life has never been easy on me,~~

~~i always shed more tears than the others.~~
~~i always experience more things which i should have never experience.~~
~~i always yearn for things that should be mine but i never have the chance get them.~~
~~i always have more burden on my shoulders than any else of my age.~~
~~i always see more of the dark side in life rather than the bright side...~~

but i know this world isn`t fair.
some people just born with a golden spoon in their mouth.
with parents around them.
having a happily ever after life.
but i believe the future is in my own hands..
i will work hard for the things which should all be mine in the very first place.
i don`t know why i am feeling emotional again.
but i really have lots of mixed feelings in me.
a lot of worries, hopes, dreams, sadness..
painful human emotions.
i don`t know why i always love to keep things to myself.
probably i don`t trust anyone.
and i dont need others to know about my pathetic life..haha
i dont want others to sympathize me.
come on, i am independent..
there is no one in this world knows everything about me. -none-
ok this is enough..
no matter how mother fucker life is.
i still gotta move on & go on right angie? *smiles to myself*

just remember,
we only live life once..
live life to the fullest.
& make sure we end everything with a hard..
cherish what we have now.
& don`t worry, be happy ^^
like i said, life goes on...

-love life
-love myself
-mom is forever my number 1 propriety..forever&ever
-cherish every second of my life.
-mom to be happy, for always..
-live life to the fullest..
& let nature take its course for lots of things.

have you ever asked yourself, am i doing better than people at my age?
my answer is yes (: both physically & mentally.

2008-02-13T18:10:00.005-08:00

ytd`s party was funnnn.
got totally drunk. i dont even know how bao manage to find vincent`s house when i am so .. haha. anyway thanks (: & sorry to make you worry. got home @ 1 i think. & had a serious hangover. steven came to my work place and visit me. (: hee.

p.s i miss you.

2008-02-07T17:57:00.002-08:00

roar stupid my left eye had been jumping for 3 days.
so irratated by it.
hope nothing bad will ever happen to me.
whines
i hope i could finish the online driving thingy by today~
& hey baby, you always touches my heart. (:
thanks.

2008-02-05T21:41:00.002-08:00

I used to think
I had the answers to everything
But now I know
Life doesn't always
Go my way, yeah...
Feels like I'm caught in the middle
That's when I realize...

(Chorus)
I'm not a girl
Not yet a womam
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between

(Verse 2)
I'm not a girl
There is no need to protect me
Its time that I
Learn to face up to this on my own
I've seen so much more than u know now
So don`t tell me to shut my eyes
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
But if u look at me closely
You will see it my eyes
This girl will always find
Her way

I'm not a girl(I'm not a girl don't tell me what to believe)
Not Yet a woman(I'm just tryin to find the woman in me, yeah)
All I need is time (All I need)
A moment that is mine (That is mine)
While I'm in between I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman
All I need is time (is All I need)
A moment that is mine
While I'm in between
I'm not a girl
Not yet a woman

2008-01-31T21:42:00.001-08:00

fuck everything.............................

i wanna move out soon... really wanna.

really wanna..

i cried and cried..

i dont wanna whine nor complain.

2008-01-31T19:48:00.002-08:00

i wanna move out of here.
i wanna mom & me to be happy for always.
i wanna mom & me to have good health.
i wanna mom & me to be smooth in life.

....

but i know it is impossible.
laughs...

2008-01-05T15:25:00.002-08:00

i hate here. i wanna go back to singapore. i want to kill those people who made my mum cry. i wanna share her stress with her. i wanna cry for her.. sigh..

2007-12-31T12:44:00.002-08:00

goodbye 2007 and hello 2008 (:

thinking back what i have been doing these one year . nothing much apparently. wasting my youth ? laughs. anyways dont look back (: god made me came here .. so i will accept the fact and 好好的过下去，而且会活的更好 (: so now i am left with nothing , nothing. i will start anew. a tottaly brand new me ~ from now on i will cherish every moment of my time and live my life to the fullest.and i will be a better person .

zz ytd save in draft alot of my thoughts deep within now wanna post out and i found it disssssapeared. roarrrrrr forget it then . hehe . everything is over and ended now. welcome to 2008 jiawen (:

xoxo

2007-12-30T20:43:00.002-08:00

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
难,想切割切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你的一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
热恋伤痕
画面重生
祝我生日快乐..

2007-12-29T23:27:00.003-08:00

was browsing the comments i wrote for u in your account.
many memories.
time really pass so fast in these 460 days..
to think of it ,
it is so magical..
i guess it is all fated..
from friends to liking u without you knowing till both fall in love..
it is so incredible ..
i miss the picture i did for u during the cold winter when my hand is freezing.
i miss the big pig i bought and carried all the way to ur house.
many people looked at me with envy.
the baby rabbit u bought for me .
the first time u gave me our first ring..
the puzzle we left undo.
the dairy we used to write everytime..
the first time we kiss,
the first time we touch.
everything is so clearly in my mind.
i always asked myself, how could i forget you? as you are one i loved using all my love ,body and soul..
it is just so magical in each everything between us .
and whenever i thought of us , those sweet moments brought me a smile on my face..
i love you.. the most common and frequent words we used to express our love.
but im saying it with all our love during this 460 days..
u will be in my heart , for always ..

life takes two hearts,
when the power of love comes together,
nobody can tear us apart.
our love will be as steel,
as beautiful as us (:

2007-12-24T18:24:00.002-08:00

it is christmas eve today..
now is 6.30pm , i am alone at home..
nancy asked me to join they all for dinner, i turned down.
whole family went to church and then to celebrate, i turned down too.
so what it is the first christmas i spent in the states.
i just dont have the mood to go anywhere.
i just dont belong here..
i miss singapore..i miss all my friends..and,i miss u..
is been so long since i last had a wonderful christmas..
all i wished for is to spent these day with my loved ones..
the best christmas i ever had was 2 years back.. it is one i will definatly wont forget.
yst was on msn with sharon & she told me that my birthday is this sunday.
haha i dont even know..
it is the first time i even forget about my birthday.
cos i dint even expt anything this 17th birthday..
theres so many emotions in me now..
i really never everrrr felt this lost and lonely . really...
this yr is really a big change to my life.
i still rmb last yr`s birthday celebration @ bq.
i still rmb everyears celebration..
sunday?sleep the whole day?
hee....
i swear, i will make my next christmas a unforgotable one..
&same goes to my birthday. i will be 18..that`s fast...
ha...i think too far.anyway, merry christmas everyone ~

2007-12-08T00:53:00.002-08:00

everytime when i needed you...
where are you..
and i just realize....
when i really needed someone..
theres no one here..

2007-11-28T20:17:00.001-08:00

why u have to msg me at this time? i no longer wants to see this email that i yearns to see for so long. i really think i can forget u if we contiunes not to contact.really.. and im sure i will be happpier,without you..at least i wont cry everynight missing you.and i wont have something to hang on my heart that keeps on making me think..alot.i really felt less stress these few days.really.but i just could not be crule and dont reply u. cos no matter what , you still have a place..in my heart..

2007-11-26T21:31:00.002-08:00

yay i finally recieved my social sercurity card !! finally can find a job le man.tmr i am going to look for it with my cousin and her friends.hahaa.she pon sch tmr eh ~ :D from this moment on. everything is anew.
I will stop loving someone who makes me sad 6/7.I will forget whatever memories we have tgt.I will let go of it all.We have no more whats-tocome.Neveragain will i call your name.Nor think of your face the first thing i wake.Nor will i pine for your embrace.I will notturn my next one into a substitute no longer.But, i will love my next.I promise, i'll do more with him than i ever had with you.Give me your blessings too.Farewell, for the very last time.anyway everyone i have deleted both of my msn.ask from me yea (: and i am thinking of deleting friendster too cos is boringgggggggggg.but in the other hand i wanna contact my friends when i am back u know.my blog will remain the same (: singapore...hmmmms...hmms....haha.

loves,
jiawen!

2007-11-21T21:16:00.002-08:00

告诉你我不是一个会认输的人
当我不得不承认
从跌倒失败
也曾经守在阴霾
不看不听不说傻傻的发呆
难道我就被打败
多幸运有你
使我的生命充满希望
从今之后不在垂头丧气走开
所有人的期待让我站起来
甩掉了主败
从今全打开
我终于明白
fly 尽全力在飞起来
没有后悔不后退
我让你刮目相看
just fly
向世界证明我存在
努力过的汗水不断灌溉
美好未来
cause i can fly
yes i can fly
不看不听不说傻傻的发呆
难道我就被打败
多幸运有你
使我的生命充满希望
从今之后不在垂头丧气走开
所有人的期待让我站起来
甩掉了主败
从今全打开
我终于明白
fly 尽全力在飞起来
没有后悔不后退
我让你刮目相看
just fly
向世界证明我存在
努力过的汗水不断灌溉
美好未来
cause i can fly
yes i can fly
fly 尽全力在飞起来
没有后悔不后退
我让你刮目相看
just fly
向世界证明我存在
努力过的汗水不断灌溉
美好未来
cause i can fly
yes i can fly
oh i believe
yes i believe i believe
oh i believe i can fly

today is the most down day for me in these one month.i swear i will be happy with my life.much more happy than all the happiness i had in these 17 years.after all these,i will be back as a stronger me.strong than ever..i will do anything and everything that will make me smile.. (: and i want to say a big thank you to you..from this minutes onwards,everything will be anew (: everything.. a new me. a new life. forget the past and move on..

2007-11-20T20:21:00.003-08:00

life is..stress.
i am so stressed up.

2007-11-20T16:10:00.003-08:00

you will never know how i feel and how much i gone through here.
all you know is oh you waited and i dint online so i must be at somewhere with some guy.
like hello i dont even have my cell number yet ok.
and i am at home everyday.
and aiya nvm forget it.since u are so unreasonable why should i explain.

2007-11-13T02:24:00.002-08:00

i stayed up all night and i thought i could at least recieve something.it is now going 3am at the states.i couldn`t sleep.you`re the one i think of all the while.is your shadow and those memories that keep me going on now.i no longer felt you.i don`t blame you cos i thought to myself that you must be real busy that`s why you ignore me.you must have your life over there,too.i always think of you,but did you ever thought of me?once in awhile?i felt that i`ve changed,i don`t think negative like i used to anymore.perhaps i knew that there`s nothing i could do.if you wanna stray,no matter how hard i tried you`ll still stray.now,when i experienced the distance myself,i find it real scary.i don`t know.life is..unpredictable.i am going to walk it step by step.like what i always believes in,what is mine will be mine,it wont run away.even if it does,there will be another one.maybe,a much better one.so yeah,be happy and live your life like how he does it.enjoy while you`re young ~ :D

with love,
jiawen.

2007-11-03T02:03:00.001-07:00

this is the song he ask me to listen to .. hope u will kept all your promises baby. love you, for always(:

Ooh ooh

We`re no strangers to love
You know the rules and so do I
A full commitment`s what I`m thinking of
You wonuldn`t get this from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I`m feeling
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up
Never gonna let u down
Never gonna run around and desert you
Never gonna make you cry
Never gonna say goodbye
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We`re known each other for so long
Your heart`s been aching but
You`re too shy to say it
Inside we both know what`s been going on
We know the game and we`re gonna play it

2007-11-01T05:18:00.002-07:00

i had enough man , what did i done wrong sia . u very want to do wrong thing huh? keep say like as if i did smth wrong like that. fuck u la knn . scold me for nothing . ccb . i swear i wont msg and online la . cb . i want faster go us then dump u aside. knnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

2007-10-30T01:10:00.002-07:00

i am back from shanghai ! :D
now only left i study harddd for my future.
i will make sure i study hard.
baby and i are fine .
we still love each other as much as we used to.
at here , i wanna say:' happy 13 months baby boy,hope you`ll forever be mine.'
i don`t know why i cant seem to go other ppl`s blog .
roar , stupid connection..
baby , is only half a month , and i miss all those times soo much.

ROAR FUCK FORGET IT , i wanna post alot pic but blogger stop me from doing so.
so, too bad , i upload it another day ba ..
angry* >:( frowns %@#$^&
so stop here le , i post it another day ba .

i miss him massage for me when i`m having headache;
i miss him rub my tummy for me when i`m having cramp;
i miss him feeding me when i refuse to eat;
i miss him hugging me like there`s no tomorrow;
i miss lying on his shoulder;
i miss him telling me stories before im willing to head to bed;
i miss him cooking for me;
i miss him making juice for me;

sigh , theres too much misses i had in me for u.
thousands and thousands word cant describe how much i love and miss you .
picture speaks a thousand words , but why blogger so cruel ):
i love you bi..
forever and ever .
i am not lonely at all , cos i know no matter where i am ,
there`s your heart following my heart .
i can feel your warmth.
even 1000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 miles away .
is winter now , but your heart of flame kept me warm.
thanks baby .
i love you ..

2007-10-19T06:38:00.002-07:00

Ben says:
believe and trust me
Ben says:
i trust u too
Ben says:
think of me if u wanna stray
i want to share the sky i see with you . says:
yes baby , hope u do the same . iloveyou.
zhe bei zi wo gen ding ni le..
Ben says:
到生老病死
Ben says:
i am made for jiawen
i want to share the sky i see with you . says:
yes
i want to share the sky i see with you . says:
i am made for benny too
i want to share the sky i see with you . says:
xD

2007-10-19T05:47:00.002-07:00

day 2 without you :

sigh , i really cant survive here .. without you . just the 2nd day . and i`m dying..

2007-10-14T00:33:00.002-07:00

I will rock u like a baby love u cradle in my arms
i will keep u safe from danger shelter u from harm
there will never be another lover treat u like i do
we can drift in 2 forever on a love thats made for 2
dont u ever say this love's not special
dont u ever think its not essential baby
i was only thinkin of u hopin u were thinkin of me
2 hearts feelin just like 1 against the world
baby i am always dreamin of u hopin u r dreamin of me
i can never live 1 day without ur love
i will kiss u like a angel baby cradle in my wings
i will take u up 2 heaven show u precious things
if u promise that u love me if u promise that u care
i will be here 4 u always and 4ever this i swear
If u say u wanna love but u dont think u believe it
just open heart and u know u will recieve it
ooo ahhhh ooo ahhh
I was only,i was only,i was only thinkin of u
i was only,i was only,i was only thinkin of u
i was only.iwas only,i was only thinkin of u
i was only,i was only,i was only thinkin of u

i love you .. hope these little 3 words still have its meanings to you 2 years later..

2007-10-11T10:20:00.003-07:00

In life , as we grow up , as time passes , there is lots of things we will forget. Also , there will be lots of things that we will never forget and will be kept forever in the heart . Today just after we finished our exam , miss ow said ,''class,today is the last day of school for jiawen. she`s going to blablablablabla and everyone is clapping for me.At that moment tears almost droped down but i still keep smiling and joke around with all my beloved classmates.what i am surprise about is miss ow, i really thought she detest me alot since she start teaching me.Who knows she`s kinda sweet.hehes.alot of ppl came to find me after school and bid me farewell.some even gave me letters,they are so sweet..really.i will definatly miss every one of you..even some of them whom we seldom contact said things that really touched my heart.i know alot of them are sad about my leaving.so do i.i will remember each every one of my friends whom go through ups and downs with me.those happy moments (: memories are the most beautiful things in the world..i will miss walking on orchard road , i will miss shopping at bugis street , i will miss taking the MRT traines and buses , i will miss singapore local foods, i will miss breathing singapore`s air , i will miss kissing singapore`s rain. i will miss everything that i did before in singapore. my feelings to singapore is really very strong , spending so many yrssss grow up here , educated here , learn how to love and beloved here , saw different type of people here , experienced many culture of different races here . Ofcause , the one im gonna miss most is Benny Yeo. baby , really thanks for everything , all the love u showed me , all the tolerance u gave . i didn`t plan to blog everything out at first , i know i will cry . However after reading destiny`s blog i changed my mind. baby , u changed me from a little girl to a lady . so many days so many months, i am having u by my side all the while . with you beside me guiding me through, giving me opions on things that i am unsure about. having a shoulder whenever i am down . you are always by my side loving me and protecting me . Now, i have to leave you , leave this familiar place with familiar faces to start my new life..all alone.i know i will not be strong , but i promise i will learn to. perhaps after all these hardships , i will be back , stronger than ever .Although u said you will wait for me. but i know maintaining a long tearm relatioship is really tough. maybe you will wait for the first few months , then what about the months after that ?really , i don`t dare to hope for anything or believe in anything . i know the higher i look then hard i will fall . No matter what is leading us in the future , i hope i will have you by my side forever as a friend .it will be hard to adapt to a totally new enviourment too . arg .. i shall try my best .. singapore i will be back (: as a strong and prettier me.. wahaha ...
last but not least ..

i won`t ever forget our dreams and hopes for the future.
i believe ten years from now in August we will meet again.
the best of memories..
in an instant , we bumped into each other and met.
and on the way home you said to me ' let`s walk home together.'
i was so embrassed that i hid my face,
but truthfully i was so happy.
as the fireworks burst beautifully in the night sky it was a little sad.
the wind flows by with time.
we did so many things and had such happy and fun times.
just two of us in our secret base.
i won`t ever forget being with you or the dreams and hopes for the future.
i believe ten years from now in august we will meet again .
until the end you were shouting 'thank you' from the bottom of your heart
holding back tears while smiling is so very painful.
such wonderful memories..
because summer is nearly over.
the sun and the moon will soon be friends
we had many sad and loney arguments didn`t we ?
with just the two of us in our secret base.
until the end you were shouting 'thank you' with all of your heart.
holding back tears while smiling is so very painful.
the best of memories..
even though,
there is nothing that could be done.
about me suddenly moving away
you said you will write me letters.
and call me too.
so don`t you ever forget,
about what we had .
the two of us , forever in our secret base.
at the end of summer , we talked after the sunset , gazing a the stars.
i`ll never forget the tears that flowed down your cheek.
i won`t forget how you waved to me till the very end.
you`ll remain forever like that in my dreams..
i won`t ever forget being with you or the dreams and hopes for the future.
i believe ten years from now in august we will meet again .
until the end you were shouting 'thank you' from the bottom of your heart
holding back tears while smiling is so very painful.
the best of memories..
the best of memories..

2007-10-03T01:44:00.002-07:00

i wanted to blog since very long ago, but i do not know where should i start it.
the days which i am leaving Singapore is drawing nearer and nearer.
ums, many feelings is crossing my mind.
i do not know exactly how i am feeling too..
right now, just hope everything will be fine.
and i am gotta be strong.
no matter what happened, just keep smiling and everything will be fine.
i believe ..

2007-09-17T07:02:00.002-07:00

our character really can`t click.
one whole year , and now i am experience the feels that i never experience before.
nevertheless no one loves to quarrel.
but forever u`re thinking that is my fault to be petty and unreasonable.
then what about you ?
if you did not do anything wrong u think i am so free to find things to quarrel?
i fucking plan not to go school even though i know there is test as i know u take leave today.
but u only contact me when is late afternoon?
fuck lo i will never never never do it again i swear.
break, is the only word that appears in my mind nowadays.
why always so easily say break ?
cos i am someone who wants everything her way.
if u cant give what i want then just forget it .
one year, so what.
you love ur rico more than anything else la.
say i too with friends forget u like helllllllloooo ?
since when when i am with friends i dint msg u non-stop and try to call u non-stop?
since when did u msg me i reply back after more than 5 min ?
since when i ignore u when my friend is with me after the last complain long ago?
i am changing but you ?
from bad to worst lor .
u are ......
i just feel super super super not happy with you.
so what.
i am the way i am.
not happy then dont tgt .
and now i am very not happy.

2007-09-12T08:47:00.002-07:00

our relationship currently is full of tiffs & quarrels.
i am sooo tired of it .
is been a long long time since i last feel xinfu&happy with you around.
you no longer knows what are my needs,
you no longer knows what i wants,
you no longer is the old you whom used to be so sweet,
you no longer cares&bothers.
maybe you are no longer the one i wants anymore too.
i need someone who makes me feel xinfu&happy all the time.
perhaps , the time is really up.
i no longer wants to care anymore too,
i no longer feel the heartbeat when im with you,
i no longer feel that i am in love,
i feel that i am a lady in love but inside me there`s only emptiness&loneliness.
i feel that i am a lady who is in love yet feeling pathetic.
there is more feelings deep down but i will keep it to myself.
there`s no point saying it all.
useless .
i need to feel loved,i need to feel secure,i need to feel important,i need to feel happy,i need to feel that i am being pampered like your princess.
but no , i feel none.
yes , is really time already..
time to change a new lover .
i guess what`s keep us going is the xiguan rather than the love in us.

2007-08-27T04:56:00.002-07:00

是你
第一眼我就认出来
这是命运最美的安排
是我
让你过长的等待
我们只要现在深爱
幸福就来
恨我来不及参于你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半
这个世界唯一的你
是我拥有的奇迹
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就是世界与我为敌
我也愿意
我什么都愿意
过去所有的悲哀
都只是寻觅我唯一
勇敢真爱
照亮了漆黑的夜晚
寻找了一次一辈子
再不分开
恨我来不及参于你的过去
抱歉让你等待
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半
呜...耶....
是一个奇迹
对我说的一字一句
都是我们的秘密
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就是世界与我为敌
我也愿意
我什么都愿意
....呜...哦...
我愿意付出一切交换
我灵魂的另一半
ho ...哦...
就算让我伤尽天理
我什么都愿意为你
紧紧拥抱唯一的你
无可救药的坚定
就是世界与我为敌
我也愿意
我什么都愿意

iloveyou ...

2007-08-26T01:31:00.002-07:00

i am here to apologies to my baby .
although these few days i feel uneasy in some ways .
but nvm forget it cos love is about giving in.
you can give in i dont see why i cant .
and i am sorry that i am so harsh ytd , baby is so sweet to come all the way to town to find me.
and he bought us another 2 couple ring (:
one actually , but is in silver,
so i told him i want a black one , so we were at plaza sing ytd and while waiting to watch the movie,
we bought another ring with our name and date on it.
& i love the heart which when put tgt is a complete heart (:

so now the black one is on fourth finger & the silver one is on my neck
baby im sorry,
you`re the sweetest bf i`ve ever got . what more can i ask for ?
thanks for everything baby.
i love you.
and thanks for always not letting go even though is my fault .
muacks.

maybe i dint hold you .all those lonely times & i guess i never told you, i`m so happy that you`re mine.Little things i should have said or done, i just never took the time.but dont worry baby ,cause whatever i do , i never forget to forget you(:
If i don`t romance you ,
if i don`t adore you ,
if i don`t cherish you ,
i don`t deserve you.

and here, i sincerely apologies.
jiawen, your popo.

2007-08-18T11:08:00.002-07:00

fuckit.
i had enough.
dont think everything is my fault.
theres really a limit to everything.
i did not even do a single shit wrong.
i hate u
u dont know how i fcking feel.

2007-08-09T11:02:00.002-07:00

i hate it when u bo dai bo ji find things quarrel.
& went offline without saying.
and don contact for the next few hours.
i hate it when i dont know what the fuck u are doing out there.
esp when ur parents is not ard .
what secrue u give .
laughs
alright. everything is a limit.
(:

2007-07-27T09:09:00.002-07:00

i saw him.. with her.
the pain is really killing me.
i saw the coldness in his eyes.
i keep controlling & controlling .
it still dropped down when i am in the toilet,
& i told him about this blog.
im not planning to let him know forever.
but, i really felt the pain..
is sooo intolerable..
i regretted, but god , it already have come to this stage..
can i still save this relationship, but,still, wen..what can u give him?......
he is going to drink later, with her ?
probably.. will he be drunk and hug her?
or will she be drunk and hug him ?
and send her home ? >':
and probably they`re already together by now ?
arg, stop thinking wen....
i told myself if by tmr 12 pm i still did not recieve anything from him,
or maybe a msg to say we really ended?
then it means we really ended, & i cause it all.
isnt it what i want to see ?
huh , isnt it !
....
& if we really ended , then i will see what can i do to help me forget him ?
sigh..
please , don accept her, don fall for her, don hug her, don kiss her...
what the fuck am i toking abt..
sigh...
or probably he will be happier this way , with alot of freedom .
knowing new girls every now and then.
maybe he alr xi guan to be this way...
i donknw ,
we shall see..

我以为我可以，
但我并不是我想象中的那么坚强，那么伟大。
我只是想让我爱的人得到幸福的人。
我看到你身边的人不是我。
眼泪的味道

2007-07-27T08:55:00.002-07:00

i told him that i have a bf , but the fact is no .
i don know why too.. i just want him to be happy.. >:
maybe that girl really can give him happiness?
it hurts so much to say those things that is not from the bottom of my heart..
you know.. sigh..
i don know if all these i did is right , i don know will i regret.
but i`ll definatly be happy to see him happy? ..i donknw.
these few days i really feel so .. uncomfortable down there..
like a stone is there, im suffocating.
but, wen , what can you give him????
yea..
he will be happy...
without you.
(':
early in the morning when im on the way to my house mrt , there`s a ice bag in my hand.
my eyes really swallon till....3/10 of my actual eye size.
but like no much difference ,
everyone is like asking me , u cried ? u cried ? u cried?
sigh... nowadays is just so down..
>:>:>:>:>:
tears ar tears , can i control u ? please?
theres many many many thoughts in me , but sigh forget it .
WEN , DON LOOK BACK PLEASE.
AS LONG AS HE IS HAPPY!!!
:'D
going town later , i really don want to see him with her.
but in the other hand i must see it with my own eyes that he is happy now!
so.......
sigh, when will i be able to get all these over??
when....

我讨厌我自己，
不想装做脆弱
其实我非常爱你不想失去你。
我多么希望我可以抓住你的手。
但，我不能自私
baby,我爱你

2007-07-26T04:29:00.003-07:00

i have read everything again ,
and i am now clearer about everything.
ohgod, what should a 16 years old girl do ?
i eat i cry , i bath i cry , i stand i cry , i sit i cry , i squat i cry ,
i stare i cry , i sleep i cry .
how silly am i , but what can i do .
heart, can i control you ?
i just hope , i can come over it soon.
it really hurts badly inside..
i reap what i sow,
perhaps this decision i made will benefit the both party in the long run..
it has been donkey yrs since i am as down as today ,
everyone knows me as the cheerful girl
& today i hide myself inside the school toilet and cried.
during lesson , the tears come down again..
i dont wanna act strong any longer , i am human too.
i told him i have changed my number ,
i don want him to contact me.
cos i have see another girl whom love him.
who can give him happinese in the future,
it definetly hurts ,
i could hardly breath.
hope all these things i did will make u once happy again,
with your new girl (:
this quote is right , you don have to have that someone to love him/her.
i will be seeing you,from afar .
is enough.
is hard for me to let go, maybe not for u .
as i see the things u did. totally..forget it.
i have been asking myself, what can i give you ?
can i even give u happiness like how she can ?
what right do i have to waste your time on me .
i must not be so selfish..
sigh , girl please be strong.
no one can help you except yourself.
put everything aside & put all your heart into studies.
i really wanted to , but the moment i sit down , tears come down again .
tmr, you`ll be out with her , & i will be here pondering...
boy ,
我愿意,愿意付出一切去换取你的幸福.
我愿意,我什么都愿意.
但，你一定要幸福哦

2007-07-25T09:31:00.002-07:00

today is some day , do you still rmb ?
& im here to say goodbye, to my past,
to our story.. a last & final one..
i was thinking about the memories we had in these short yet long 10 months.
is not easy to walk through these 10 mths , 306 days.
the laughter&tears we used to share,
when now it really ended , many memories flash through like never before.
& it wets my eyes..

you said you`ve been waiting ,
but the things u do is always so different from what you say .
& for once , i see ur true colour again ,
perhaps u`re on the phone with some babes out there.
im been hurt , once more..
there`s many many thoughts in me now ..
but sometimes things is best to left unspoken.
& i guess it has no point to say, anymore.
thanks for appearing , thanks for those hurts , thanks for the memories , thanks for making me grow, thanks for those love , thanks for everything`s everything.
hope we both will be happier (:
i`ll demolish everything that will reminds me of you , everything.
i`ll go on , just like how u do .
tmr there`ll be another lover.

baby you`ve set me free
it aint me, its you.
it`s over.
goodbye,my lover.

2007-02-08T01:37:00.002-08:00

im cracking brain on that thing .
fucked-up is the only word to describe how i feel .
only few days left sian .

always dont want that person to care ,
but if one day he/she really doesnt care that much anymore ,
will u regret ? (:

2007-01-21T00:41:00.002-08:00

baby , listen to me .
don push me aside .
you dont have to act strong infront of me , you don have to .
cos im the person that will be there with u .
i know you dont need any promises , but i`ll wait for you .
i`ll just do my part .
u said theres an ending for every story & this is our ending .
but i don want this to be our ending .
as i said i`ll never watch our love fall .
why things always happens so sudden to me
every time is like that .. i cant take it too ,
but i need to force myself to be strong so i can held u up .
this is a test given by god .
so take my hand & lets go throu all these tgt & not pushing me aside .
u know i don mind & i really dont mind .
theres just too much we have been throu this four mths.
i nvr had such a heart brking moment like ytd before.
hearing u saying all those given up words ,
u know how hurtful isit to me ?
theres too much time cnt erase ,
too many too many first times ..
so why not let me the first girl to wait for u ?
is my pleasure to fight for our future isnt it ?
that is what i should do as a gf isnt it ?
u know in this world theres someone who lives for u & thats me .
so don forget what u promise me .
think of ur parents & those ppl who cares for u .
theres still a long way to go .
rmb what i said ... i don care wether u have future or wadeva shit or not .
u are my choice made on 26sept2006 .
& i will stick with my choice .
i had never love a boy like how i love you.
theres too much i have to say & i told u ytd .
hope u`ll rmb even single word i say ..
iloveyou..

2007-01-02T06:51:00.002-08:00

i was thinking ..
why must i always be the first who msg u ,
why must i always be the one who email u ,
why must i always be the one who waits for ur call ,
why must i always be the one who sit infront of the com waiting for ur reply.
i feel like im the only one who`s trying to make this love stay.
i knw ur fone cnt msg or wadeva,but cnt u at least leave a email or smth ?
don tell me u don even have time to use the com ,or rather say u don bothers ?
who knows wad the fuck u do outside.
u said u wont club anymore but are u sure u dint club anymore?
i cnt feel ur lil tiny winy bit of care now , maybe u wont even come and read my blog now ? ohwadeva
i don ask for anything much , but sometimes i will wonder if all these i did is worth it ,
doing that stupid and childish thing spent my whole one mth`s time sitting infront of the chair , and wanting to bring such a big stuff back to sg no matter how unconvience it is . ohwadeva .
say im bored or wad, mad or wad,
im thinking alot into my future , so stressful .
my self expectation are there , i believe i can reach them .
no matter working how hard .
i donknw why i always look so far -.- mature?craps
this is the first time im bloging everything out.
first&last time , im not those girls who wants to tell their bf every tiny winy bit of their unhappiness .

2006-12-30T06:19:00.002-08:00

happy 16th birthday to myself :D

2006-11-25T07:01:00.002-08:00

HAPPY 2ND MONTH !

these one month alot of things happened ,
but thats all the past right ? ((:
what we just need is to cherish the time now ..
whenever u miss me & im not by ur side,
our pig will be there for u xD
muacks ~

Love is what I feel for you,Each and everyday,
That keeps us going strong.
I love you with my heart,My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.
I do believe that God above,
Created you for me to love.
He chose you from all the rest,
Because he knew I would love you best(:
bi ~ When I'm with you,eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,with each passing day.
This treasure of love,I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...you'll never really know.
You bring a joy to my heart,I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,I love you more and more.
Whenever we say goodbye,whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,deep inside my heart.
So these seven words,I pray you hold true,
"Forever And Always,I Will Love You." ;D
hehes , hubby i loveyou !

2006-11-11T00:43:00.003-08:00

im not fine .
i cant take it anymore ,
the feeling in me is so agony .
those words , those promises , those places , those warmhugs , the feeling of ur lip touching mine , the feeling when u embrace me tight .
i still do love u alot . but nth will gona change , everything just wont be the same anymore .
i`ll just let time to heal everything .
god , pls give me the strength to carry on ..

2006-11-09T22:09:00.002-08:00

u`re so fake .
all the things u said to me u said to her aswell .
what u fucking treat me like ?
lmaos im so dumb la serious .
u think is very fun lar ? lols fine fine .
aisehs still fetch her from sch before .claps ehs ~
those memorise ? those promises ? those msges ?
i`ll let time earse it away (:
maybe god is helping me to forget u .
u know i hate liar the most & u lied .
so yea i should let it go & nvr come back .
i just dont see the use of doing so .
dont fucking sound like u so love me now .
is just a short going two months . i wont be like a 3 yrs old anymore .
& if u loved me , u wont do this to me .
awws im just so naive la. zzz
oks compared to her u may love me more ? but sorry seriously one time hurt is enough .
& i think if u put urself in my shoe . u`ll be madder ?
as i said i really hope to give u another chance ,
but my heart & mind keep stop me from doing so .
yups , so really , leave u will make me happier (:
so takecare .

he know he`s good ,
cause he had you around with his words ,
and as the alcohol goes down,
he says he loves you and you`re all he ever wanter.
i don`t know if you`ll ever find your way here,
but if you do ,you`ll be laughing away.
cos you know you`ve won this game and i stupidly fall for you.
but i guess you`ll never know what true love is?
you killed me the day i know your true colours.
you`ll never find me back and no one will.
i dont wanna be your toy,
and the next time i see you,you`ll be nothing.
congratulations for winning this game,
and hope you`ll enjoy your playboy life(:
i`ve quit believing .

2006-11-08T00:57:00.002-08:00

baby , i was hypnotised
when i looked into your eyes
saw the love i`d been waiting for
couldn`t help but fantasize
about a world where you & i
stay together forever more

don`t hesitate
cos i can`t control my feelings
just can`t wait
now i know where this is leading

baby please , this heart`s on the line
don`t waste this precious time
say you`ll be mine
it`s not hard to do
just tell me you feel it too
baby, i`ll stand by you .
no matter wad gone wrong
between us or anything else ,
im always by ur side .
u know i love you
& just you ,
benny yeo ...
dont stray
dont ever go away

2006-11-07T03:45:00.002-08:00

if you ask me , if i need you ,
the answer is forever
if you ask me , if i`ll leave you ,
the answer is never
if you ask me , what i value ,
the answer is you
if you ask me , if i love you
the answer is yes i do
<3

2006-10-26T20:24:00.002-07:00

baby ! take ultra care when im not ard with u yea ?
im gonnnnnna miss u hell lots >;(
teehees nvm , is only four days . ROARS .
rmb eat . dont make my heart stays here when im there , ok ?
dont smoke so much ok ? i dont want baby die so early . we shall plan to quit tgt ^^
when clubbing dont drink so much too . understand ?
most of all , dont hong . which i know u wont ? >;]
hehes , awws .. cnt imagine how much im gona miss u lar . hoho nvm i alr carve ur face in my mind :D
rahs , i want back my black hair man . >;[[
hms oks . i need to go alr . takecare everyone ((((: miss me~hahas

baby ~ aishiteru <3
all abt loving u ehs xD

2006-10-22T14:09:00.002-07:00

uoy syawla ekam em kniht tola .
os derit .
i sseug i wonk tahw i dluohs od rla .

2006-09-30T09:01:00.002-07:00

hehes ,
i hate to w____ so much la .
((:
i still dont see any s________ in you =
i dont know should i t____ this r__ ?
i know i shouldnt d____ .
since i c____ u , i will stick to it (:
iloveyou & i really do . <3